Wondering Clouds

What is it like to feel loved? Does it feel like a place called home? Unhinged, real, warm, fuzzy — A place that protects you, A place you can come back to. What is it like to feel loved? I wonder if I’ll ever get to know. ’Cause all people seem to do is find flaws in you. I’m losing my spark beyond repair, Walking through an empty field, All damp and cold. Wishing someone would come and behold, With the warmth of love — And only then will I know how it feels to be loved.

Some hugs are healing — They feel like home, Mending your heart and soul. Some hugs are healing — They bring a warmth unknown, A comfort that makes you feel whole. Some hugs are healing — But then they don't last forever. And when they fade, They leave you emptier than before...

Life is Fleeting One moment you are there, And the next, vanished into thin air. Only people in pain are the ones left behind, Longing for that hug, The unsaid words, And everything in between. They crossed the bridge, But you are here— Pain that the heart cannot bear. It is hard. They say, “This too shall pass. And you need to be strong.” But all you want Is to shatter into pieces, ’Coz that is the only way you can survive the pain. Tears roll down your eyes, And that is your only respite. And that is your only respite.

I wonder how some people have the gift of saying the right words at the right time, while I always seem to put my foot in my mouth. I really try, but it’s exhausting. It doesn’t come naturally to me, and the whole effort sometimes makes me feel trapped. Thinking about every word and every feeling before I say it out loud is difficult. I’m more of an impulsive person, and the effort to not be impulsive and to suppress my feelings is making me feel more closed off every day. I feel like I’m losing my light and the unfiltered version of myself, weighed down by how people expect me to be. What if I don’t want to fit into this box? I don’t want to be perfect; I want to be a free spirit without the burden of worrying about how others will feel. I constantly keep thinking,  What if I hurt someone? I always seem to hurt the people I love the most—maybe because I think they will understand. Even when they do, they still feel hurt, and that makes me incredibly sad. I feel caged, sad, and eve...

And then there are some nights when you just want to cry, cry until the feeling passes – feeling numb, scared, and anxious as tears roll down on their own, like someone has opened a pool of emotions. You cry until you feel relieved, until you can breathe again, empty enough to fall asleep, and your eyes strain, heavy and sore . It comes in bouts, triggered by something seemingly out of nowhere, though I know exactly what sets it off. I'm so tired, endlessly tired, worn down to my core. 

I woke up to another day of the same old routine. Get up, start working, eat, sleep, and repeat. I'm stuck in a loop, going through the motions with no real purpose or direction. And to top it all off, my name means "direction," but I feel like my compass is broken. I'm in my 30s, single, and just going with the flow. I don't know if I have any real goals or aspirations, and I'm just treading water. I see my friends and colleagues moving forward in their careers and personal lives, and I can't help but feel left behind. It may sound like I am comparing myself to others ummm.. yes. Strangely I cannot help but compare, and it is so not me. I have always made my decisions and have been happy and content with my choices. I heard someone say the human body changes every seven years. It seems that I am going through that change. I do not feel like myself anymore; something has shifted. Every time I reflect and figure out what, I draw a blank. This feeling numbs ...

Nights like these I miss you to most, When thunder is rumbling, the rain is pouring. And then I long for a cuddle, Into your warm arms I snuggle! But my heart knows,  I will not get any of those. I need to sail through, Someday I'll find someone new. Then perhaps I won't miss u! P.s.  Sometimes you fall in love with a person with the most amazing connection with but then the chapter comes to an end. The dream of happily ever after just shatters into tiny pieces. Somehow that one person never leaves you even after years! That person shall forever live in that tiny corner of your heart with fond memories. Perhaps you will move on - perhaps not but then this person and the memories shall always always be etched in your heart forever.

Mixed emotions.. cannot really explain the feeling ... am I sad, am I angry or am I disappointed??? Or everything??? I am an emotional wreck a complete wreck today.  I wish I could explain this to someone. The feeling of loneliness, sadness and emptiness. No direction. Everything seems so stagnant. I feel a sense of comfort when tears roll down from my eyes.Tere is noone to wipe them but then I need to hide them because noone should know what my heart holds...  How I wish ... if someone could just hug me tight, and tell me everything will be alright. Perhaps I'll burst out crying... Perhaps I'll smile, or perhaps nothing at all. But I want someone to hug me tight And I shall be alright... I shall be alright...

OK so...in a matter of minutes I was out of my room...in the elevator and just walked out of the main entrance!  Destination - unknown Mode of transport - unknown Hunger - well I was very much famished had just a sandwich in flight which was pretty much all!  But the excitement of wondering like in literal sense wandering aimlessly felt liberating and nothing else mattered.  I walked towards the main road avoiding pot holes filled with muddy water at every two steps!  Ya.. Whatever you have watched in movies regarding gaddhe me Raaste banaye jate hai is very true! And then I reached the main road, thinking where should I go... Juhu Beach!  Not very far and I should be able to be home (well I'm going to call the hotel as my home in Mumbai) by dinner time. After today mornings episode I am so not taking uber or ola or any other internet enabled services! There was a auto standing across the road, let's see if they agree. Asked the driver, "Bhaiya, Juhu c...

"Flight no. 6E 0429 the boarding is about to begin proceed to gate 23E." Ohw so that is my flight, it is time to head to the gate but where is it ??? This was my first journey alone but not my first visit to the airport and I simply couldn't find the gate (yeah well funny ya!) ah! there is the arrow to the gate and it is downstairs (sometimes the brain behaves strangely panics at petty things !) and in the next 15 minutes I was on the flight (A long Que + a bus ride + finding the seat ). Yay!!! It is real, my solo trip to Mumbai is happening and for the next few days it will be like mai aur meri tanhaiyee to be less dramatic in the bliss of solitude! After the take off, it was the usual people sleeping, eating, chatting and I also saw a few people binge watching series (ya I did peep into peoples phones, I was just killing my curiosity if the series would interest me!)"Please fasten your seat belts we expect turbulence because of the heavy rain." I said to myse...

It is still three hours to my flight but taking no chances with my past experiences of always being late, I just could not afford to miss this one! Mornings are not my best friend but today I had this strange energy, in no time I was on my way to the airport.  There we reached. Ma and bro came to see me off. It is going to happen finally I told myself. Bidding them adieu I walked towards the entrance phew I heaved I had never ever been all by myself ever in my life and now I will be alone for the rest of the week. It felt like I'm leaving something behind, there is something missing teary I was and I was like will I be able to survive even a day and suddenly the emotion took a total 360 turn and I went into all frantic mode " I have to collect the boarding pass!" and and what about the security check of my luggage ah! this bags heavy I would have to do everything myself! Without much a do I straightway went ahead to collect my boarding pass from one of those fancy auto...

Have you felt like the gravity is pulling you down and you do not feel anything in your body but you still got to stand? Like your eyes are hurting all swelled up but tears roll down automatically. The feeling of numbness when you ain't feeling anything your head hurts your hearts aching but all you got to do is sit tight let the feeling pass by and hope there will be day to this night and the dawn will bring you happiness. So Live..  Live.. Live on Hope that this too shall pass..this too shall pass.

3 A.M and she failed to blink an eye and there was no sign of sleep!  Thinking what should I wear?? What will he say??  Will I be able to say a yes? Will words come out of my mouth or will I just be as normal as any other day.  Deep was going to propose the next day and she new it the conversation they had the other night ensured nothing but a proposal!  Trying really hard to sleep imaging what would happen the next day she eventually fell asleep. Deep had asked her to wait outside the chapel.  A different choice she thought to her self a coffee shop or any other place would also be good.  As usual she was on time and Deep being him took his own sweet time ! And then, the sight of him made her heartbeat racing it was like she could feel a shiver go down her spine!  He looks adorable, dressed in a blue shirt and black pants and not to miss the rose in his hand the moment was about to be real.  She nonchalantly waved at him and he returned the sam...

"I am no more in a relationship!" we get to hear this so often these days. I wonder how many of them have at least tried to give another chance. I am sure only a handful. Why these days relationships have become so fragile that even the tiniest of arguments makes a person part ways? Well two things one EGO and another our best friend these days technology.So how does this work - ego will not let you talk to the person and technology (viz our very on facebook and instagram and the like)  Will give you umteen options!  Sigh!  :( How I wish I could go to an era where there were no smart phones and the only purpose of the device would be to make calls!  You know half the problem of fights and misunderstandings would be solved if only people could talk. Well going back to the point of giving another chance why don't we shun the ego for once and take a step forward and address the issue and talk. Simple talks sometimes helps people sign treaty's between nations and I am t...

Who am I?? Have you ever asked this question to yourself???  Have we ever tried to understand what we are and what we really want from our lives. Let me divide our life into three halves or probably four If our immunity system helps us survive(1-25,25-50,50-75...¤). So, here it goes.. The first half of our life goes into learning and education and thereafter it's time to make use of the education and earn money. Then, with that money try and make others happy or may be buy certain things for yourself which you had penned down years ago in your wishlist!  I really doubt about the number of people who fall in the bucket of the later. Mostly people save but not for themselves but for others.  Fair enough isn't it!?  Keep others happy and be happy. Then may be marry have kids manage additional responsibilities . Did you realise in these couple of sentences your next half is already gone. Now, the third half by this time you are well settled with your basic family ...

Poodle doodle oodle I just not know what to doodle The high mountains Or the deep blue sea Befuddled I am Poodle doodle oodle I know now what to doodle The deep blue sea and the lovely white waves And there the sun is peeking through the horizon Poodle doodle oodle And I just completed my doodle #childish #drawingpaintingthings #imagination #ignorance

Sometimes you want to say so much. But then you pretend as such ... That you are fine, but a crazy storm inside! Cry not you , coz' there is still strength in you To face all the hard times But inside you cry like a li'l child Wanting to be cajoled, just like before! Those days ain't going to be back, And you know that ! These are those phases of life,where you have to be patient for a while The troubled waters will soon calm down Don't worry you....Coz there is much strength in You ! ,

And it rained ... As I slowly close my eyes , To Put off everything of the day ... Thus I hear the sound so sweet , Pitter patter rain ... The lightening strikes , And follows a thunderous applause ! All I do is smile in glee ... Even though I'm half asleep, Peace it brings to my heart and soul ... All the pain in my heart goes . The sound of rain ...is all so sweet I peek out of my window sill As Raindrops kiss my cheeks Yes indeed ! Gods blessings are in this shower .. Which gives me all the power ! To Awaken from within . As the sound slowly ' fades ... It lingers till its late , Disappointed I get back to bed . I shut my eyes ... Smiling like a Lil kid I sink in sleep As the sound of rain in my heart echoes  And Puts off everything of the day. Oh ! The sound so sweet... Pitter patter rain !!!

What is love ???? Ok im not talking about the love which u get from ur dad mum brothers sisters ...family or friends ... Im talking about that love ....which u get from ..."The special one" ! This Love is something ...u feel deep within your heart ... Something that drugs u into our veins that's it just becomes impossible to live without them .. A feeling of belongingness....togetherness ...well it gives a taste of all kinds of emotions joy grief anger fear a mixed bag you see . There are those days when u feel like u are at the top of the world being loved cared cajoled in the arms ... Being the apple of someone's eyes ...but then there are those days ... When its like a cloudy gloomy day ... Bereft of sunshine .May be a fight umm or one of the twos mood is just a lil off ... A spat with some other friend and the result Is poured onto the significant other ...and ...that makes it a bit gloomy ...well its all a part of the package ;) . In the journey of lif...

Tears rolling down the eyes .... As they slowly kiss the cheeks Of happiness and grief , Love and betrayel  . Life's own trials , A storm within  ... It feels like a  ship, About to capsize ... Unable to resist the winds ! Befuddled u are ... About where to go . But  u let urself loose Without inhibitions ... As u express ur emotions ... The deary Lil heart,  is relived of the pain ! And the mind , is back with u again . Then U reason the reason ..of the cause of the pain ... Stronger u become ... And face the world again , Forgetting the past .. To tread and into the future . Tis' then u hear a voice From deep within Which tells u ... Its been tough though .. But never let urself go ... Coz if today is sad ... Tomorrow for sure won't be bad So wear a smile To Walk the path ... As nothing can tear u apart ... As nothing can tear u apart !!!